My Dilemma...

I have been a vegetarian for the most part going on over a year now.  That is quite a bit longer that I thought this venture of mine would last.  During the past few weeks though, I have been leaning toward starting to eat meat again. It isn't that I don't still feel soooooo strongly about how our meat is farmed and produced... it still makes me sick to think about.  It's more about how it affects me and my family if that makes any sense?

Living with a carnivore (Dan) and not eating meat is hard.  I know he gets sick and tired of eating meals without any type of meat in it.  In fact, most of the time he doesn't.  I'll eat something I've made and he'll eat something he has made.  Romantic huh?  I'm growing tired of feeling disconnected by our food.  I know that sounds weird, even to me, but that is somewhat how I feel.  I want to cook something for him that he raves about after dinner.  Doing a vegetarian meal doesn't get me that kind of reaction.  It doesn't get me my perfect 10 rating for the meal that I so badly want.  I also realize that when we have children a vegetarian diet probably isn't going to fly in my household.

Another thing that is really hard for me is get togethers with family and friends.  It isn't so bad on my side of the family since several of my cousins are vegetarians, but Dan's side and being with our friends is a different story.  It is hard going somewhere and not being able to eat anything.  I feel like I am insulting them when I don't eat something they made or I feel guilty for them making something "just for me".  This is definitely on my mind recently since I'm going to Arizona for a week to visit the twins and Hannah.  I don't want my brother and sister in-law to feel like they would have to change their eating lifestyle to suit me.

Another big reason I think about eating meat again is I crave it.  Sadly, I do.  I'm not gonna lie, I have fallen off the veggie wagon a few times because I wanted a burger so badly.  I'm not proud of it, but the cravings don't go away either.  I also think to myself, am I really making a difference by not eating meat?  I mean I still drink milk, which means a mother cow is constantly being re-impregnated so she keeps producing milk and then her baby calf is taken away from her and probably made into veal.  Because the cow is constantly pregnant her body is put under major stress.  A cow that would normally live 25 years will only live 3-4 in the dairy industry. I also eat eggs which means hens are stuffed into tiny cages never setting foot on grass.  Their feet and legs are often deformed because of this.  Because of the close confines of the hens, their beaks are cut off to protect them from pecking each other to death.  They are forced to lay 250 eggs per year which puts major stress on their bodies.  All so I can eat my eggs.  There are just times that I wonder what is the point on not eating meat, when I'm still putting these animals through horrible situations to drink my milk and eat my eggs. 

However, when I start thinking about not being a vegetarian I feel very undecided.  I mean I have gone this long doing it, do I really want to give it up now?  Or I'll read or see something about factory farms and think about those poor animals.  For example, just yesterday on my way home from work, I saw a semi stuffed full of pigs and was sick to my stomach thinking about the life they have had to lead and what their future holds.  How can I eat meat when I don't support that industry.

I feel like I'm at a transition period... either eat meat every now and then and not beat myself up over it... or do the vegetarian thing.